Why Aliens Love the Internet

16 09 2008

In 1985, an alien (incognito as Bill Gates) hiding somewhere within the Lake Washington vicinity devised prototypes of what he thought to be the most perfect weaponry to manipulate human brains and annihilate this dismal planet. Instead, he created that thing we call now as Microsoft.

That is a true story—at least that’s what I like to believe.

We humans worship aliens. We assume that they are so sapient they could invent spaceships to invade Earth. Our assumptions might be true. But who knows, they might just be as dumb as we are. Supposing that there already are extra-terrestrial beings inhabiting the land we live in, I bet they love the internet.

These are the 3 reasons why:

1. Our planet’s interconnection of computer networks provides that Bruce Almightyempowerment. Just as Jim Carrey experienced being God and in effect getting whatever he wanted; our alien pals would be instilled with the idea of extreme luck. This fortune comes in the form of spam mails and pop-ups.

Come on, what galaxy can you find 3 different Nigerian bank managers giving away 2 billion dollars a day right at your inbox? Not to mention the excessive freebies and exciting offers popping-up here, there and basically everywhere.

2. Earth is the porn hub of the universe. People would do anything for money; be it plain nudity or coitus involving animate beings (e.g. dogs, horses, cows, sheep, goats, elephants, snakes (?) and about every other animal you can think of). Girls can even be bribed to wear alien costumes.

Given our panoply of choices, visitors from other planets would feel just at home.

3. Communication is as easy as taking candy from a baby (cobra). No matter how many light-years their home planets are from our world, contact with their loved ones is possible! Well, not really. But we’ve seen the mushroom soup bowls in Mars, so it is very likely to create a connection with (literally) out-of-this-world beings. Just wait a couple of years, 25 years, give or take.

But then again, Y!M (Yahoo! Messenger) might just be our secret connection to the outer space.

Those are the most sensible reasons I could come up with. Admit it or not, alien invasion is probably going to occur eventually—not in the near future I suppose, but nevertheless possible. Fifty years ago, who would have thought that paper-thin cellular phones would be invented? Just imagine how Galileo’s face would have looked like if someone told him that human beings can now communicate with other-worldly creatures. Ah, probably more spectacular than Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa.

The internet is growing; evolving as each day passes. Just as we were comfortable with that state-of-the-art web connection, also known as Wireless Fidelity (Wi-Fi), inside our homes, Starbucks and other business establishments now provide wi-fi within their shops. Asian countries have already adopted this, including Singapore, Japan, and the Philippines. Now, creatures from outer-space would not find it difficult to chat with their human friends.

Well, if aliens have already landed here on Earth, it’s not just a small world, but a small universe after all.